Saturday, May 12, 2012

So Far From Reality: My Application to Bravo's "Hawaii Elite"

It has been quite awhile since I have made a blog post, but to sum things up in a nutshell: we finally gathered up our keiki (kiddos) and made a jam packed Boeing 737 endure us for 6 hours during our one way flight to Hawaii!  Yep, we have finally started our new chapter of life here in Oahu and we could not be happier.  But the reason for today's post all stemmed from my love of Hawaii news and their headliners (or lack there of).  Only so much can happen on a island but this morning, the top stories consisted of the University of Hawaii's commencement ceremonies (congrats to all the new alumni) and drum roll please...the calling of Hawaii's "elite" for Bravo's new show.

Being a BIG fan of Bravo's Real Housewives Series, which is my guilty pleasure, I am honestly excited that I finally live in a state worthy of having a housewives series!  As Melissa Gorga likes to say at the beginning of each RHONJ episode, "I live a life only one dreams of", I definitely do not live that dream per se and therefore will probably never qualify for any Real Housewives series.  But just for S and G's, here is what I imagine my application for the casting call would be:

Dearest Andy Cohen and BravoTV:
While I probably do not qualify for your definition of "elite", I would think I am a great fit for your possible upcoming Real Housewives of Honolulu County for the following reasons:
  • I am currently a stay at home mom to two wonderful sons and an amazing daughter (think Caroline Manzo)
  • My family's net worth is similar to the following housewives: Michaele Salahi, Lynn Curtin, and Lauri Waring Peterson (pre-George of course).
  • My breasts are fake and my stance on breast augmentations is as follows: it should be included in healthcare as a post-partum option.
  • I have a strained  and essentially nonexistent relationship with my SIL that could rival the Gorga-Guidice's
  • Instead of flipping tables, many doors and cell phones have become victim to my short Filipino temper
In addition to my real housewife resemblances, I feel I could bring more to the show.  Being that we just moved to Oahu, I feel a strong connection to Kathy Griffin and her life on the D-list with my life on the Z-list.  I am very impatient which causes me to flip out like Jeffery Lewis.  My BravoTV role model is Bethenny Frankel and I feel our personalities and parenting styles are very similar.  So it could be safe to say, that I encompass all that is Bravo.
Just have the cameras follow me for one day and you will see a different type of real housewife that Honolulu has to offer.  As a housewife I can show you how:
  • I have only successfully made a mess in the kitchen
  • Not to react when your kid fall into a koi pond
  • to maneuver island life and the roads and traffic of this island all while fighting my GPS and Siri
  • life with three kids in a 1200sf condo can be
Although I may not qualify for Real Housewives of Honolulu County (or whatever name you decide), I hope you would keep me in mind if you ever decide to  showcase the Real Broke Housewife.

Thanks again for your time.

Sincerely,
VB

What do you think?  I know you are thinking: "stick to your day job as a engineer".  Okay okay, I will...

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